When Frustration Mounts...

...it completely sucks!

I am at the point now (MONTHS after my last post on here) where I keep asking myself ... "If it hasn't happened yet...WHEN?  And WILL IT happen at all?"

Still at my current sales job and more unmotivated than ever.  

I did the budget analysis this weekend (I kept putting that off because I think that I secretly knew how depressing it would be) and saw that I really need to bring in a LOT of moolah each month.  Way more than I can even imagine making right now.  

It's been almost two years since I chose a name for the company and have been moving forward...and I wonder if I've been moving forward or just running in circles over and over and over again.

UGH.

UGGHHH

Ok, so I stepped out of my comfort zone and partnered with a colleague to offer a Career Group Coaching Bootcamp.  Then no one signed up so we decided to offer a free 30 minute teleconference leading up to it...and we had 3 people sign up.  Awesome, right?  Not really.  No one showed up so my colleague and I had an opportunity to catch up on the conference call line at the time the call was scheduled for.

Yes, it's all about perspective and I know there are valuable learnings in this.  How did we market it?  Did we sabotage ourselves by not charging anything? What title may have been more enticing? Blah, blah, blah. 

I feel like I've arrived at my target client and what I offer to clients:  I empower entrepreneurs to overcome the doubt and overwhelm so that they can spend their time doing what they LOVE and achieve amazing results. 

I was doing OK and believing in myself and then a friend (well, a facebook friend) made this comment after I shared my niche with him: "How do you teach entrepreneurs how to be successful if you haven't achieved it yourself? Let me explain.... there are so many life coaches, coaches of this and that and so many of these coaches have yet to experience what they are offering... My concerns are great when I m aked to share my team mates with those wanting to offer service or products so...nothing personal..."

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Is this for real or am I just wasting my time chasing butterflies and spending money on something that will never come to fruition?

Stuck Under a Rock Or Something Like That

I am appreciative that I do have something to lose.  I have a LOT to lose.  And I don't want to lose the things in my life that I value and have worked hard for - - my husband, my family, my house, our savings account. 

So I guess that is the chosen reason that I am not able to do what I want.  I can't just leave my current job.  I can't just quit.  And it's not my fault.  It's the fault of the great things in my life that I don't want to let down or lose or risk. 

Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous. 

The last few days have given rise to a new and weird desire.  I want to crawl under a rock.  I want to escape my own thoughts and my own mind and just be some place where things don't matter so much.

I'm tired. 

Yesterday morning, as I was running late for a meeting and had diarrhea on my shirt (antibiotics for the littlest member in my family have all sorts of fun surprises) I turned up the radio as loud as I possibly could.  I didn't want talk radio, I wanted music.  LOUD MUSIC.  So loud that I couldn't think. 

UGGHHH.  Get me outta here, please.  Someone. 

I know there is so much more to life than this mediocre career that I'm in.  But I'm afraid.