And It Begins. Please join me.

December 12 2012

Ok, so here I am.  I’m in my company car sitting in a parking lot looking out onto two lanes of traffic.  I inhaled my lunch from Dunkin Donuts and now I’m sipping on my sugar free latte.  (Big sigh).

I’m on this mission to create a business.  MY business.  A coaching business to help other people who are in similar situation to me, to boldly step out and claim a more fulfilling work life.  Only, I know that I need to do it first.  And, in my own defense, I’m working on it.  I’m just not there yet. 

You see, there is this money thing and this voice-in-my-head thing and this fear thing that are keeping me in my place.  I recognize them for what they are and I’m battling with them everyday. 

The quick scoop on where I am (besides being in a parking lot):  I am in pharmaceutical sales.  I have a great job.  I paused when I typed that because it came out automatically…but wasn’t authentic.  I have a great job for some people.  Good benefits, good pay, company car, flexibility of a sales job, yadayadayada.   

This is where the voice-in-my-head thing comes in.  It tells me that I should be happy for what I have.  I should be grateful to have a job in this economy.  I should, I should, I should…but I’m not.  I’m not motivated, I’m not fulfilled and this is no longer a job that fulfills me.  But…it is a steady paycheck.

So, this is where the money thing comes in:  I sort-of need it.  We just bought a new house, have two beautiful and amazing kids, a super smart pooch, and while my husband has a good job, his income alone is not enough to sustain us for an extended period of time.  And we already took a lot out of savings to put a down payment on our house (the house we hope to stay in for the rest of our lives, so the mortgage isn’t exactly cheap).  I have some income from the coaching clients that I’ve maintained through my training (I was required to have 5 paying clients throughout the certification process) but when you total it all up, it would probably pay for two weeks of my son’s school each month. 

I feel like I need a process.  I need to master this and work for myself.  I love thinking about a future where I’m partnering with individuals to help them do what I’m afraid to do right now.  Take a huge leap into a bigger ME. 

And as a coach, I completely understand the importance of focusing on what I want in the future.  Who I need to be, what I need to do to get there, and how I’ll feel when I accomplish it.  And, believe me when I say this:  I do that often.  But… things that manifest from that, my “to do” items, take time and I recently uncovered another problem:  there are only 24 hours in each day! 

If this sounds like you, please keep reading and share your thoughts in the comments section.  I plan to post weekly on where I am mentally, physically, emotionally and everything in between.  In a sense, I guess I'm asking for your support and your insight.  (And man do I need it!)

If I could help one person escape the boredom and monotony and unfulfilledness and frustration that I am experiencing right now, my mission will be a success.  And in creating my coaching business, I aim to do that.  I keep reminding myself that it's OK to be unfulfillfed.  It's just NOT ok to stay there for too long.